As I stand still, I see the two of you walking together; a range of emotions and ideas fill my mind: death, sorrow, regret, pain, but happiness is undoubtedly absent. As I keep my countenance straight, I wish I had the ability to cry. I chose the route to live life without regrets, but when you’re around, it seems I regret being alive, regret the evils of mind for trying to destroy the one thing that brought you happiness. As time passed, my transformation gradually completed until I became what I am today; a shadow of my former self. I have become skilled in the art of deception; I can make anyone think that my life is perfect with a flash of my fake smile. That act is all over when I am alone. I can’t cry anymore, it is an impossibility until my emotions take over me. Why; why do you have to gradually turn me into stone? I am slowly losing my heart to the realities of which I face. I think I might have already died, what everyone, including you, sees is a shell. I have to hide the true me; I would be completely gone if it weren’t for you. You make me yearn to regret, want to smile again, not want to die. I will try to be strong for your sake, but I don’t know how much longer until I completely erase anything and everything until I’m gone. I will never be satisfied with the fact that I am not perfect enough for you. If I become just like her will that make you come to me? I wish I could take any pain that you go through and put it on me; you can blame me for anything that goes wrong. I wish…I could go around and truly be happy for once in my life. Just the thought of you and me, together, can get me through a day…but what happens when that isn’t enough? Am I not worth caring for? Or loving? Is it that my many flaws make people run? If I died tomorrow, at least I could die happy knowing that I had loved. I wish it that I didn’t have to…be like me…I, forever, will be damned to a life of watching life and the people that live it...
|