As I stand still, I see the two of you walking together; a range of emotions and ideas fill my mind: death, sorrow, regret, pain, but happiness is undoubtedly absent. As I keep my countenance straight, I wish I had the ability to cry. I chose the route to live life without regrets, but when you’re around, it seems I regret being alive, regret the evils of mind for trying to destroy the one thing that brought you happiness. As time passed, my transformation gradually completed until I became what I am today; a shadow of my former self. I have become skilled in the art of deception; I can make anyone think that my life is perfect with a flash of my fake smile. That act is all over when I am alone. I can’t cry anymore, it is an impossibility until my emotions take over me. Why; why do you have to gradually turn me into stone? I am slowly losing my heart to the realities of which I face. I think I might have already died, what everyone, including you, sees is a shell. I have to hide the true me; I would be completely gone if it weren’t for you. You make me yearn to regret, want to smile again, not want to die. I will try to be strong for your sake, but I don’t know how much longer until I completely erase anything and everything until I’m gone. I will never be satisfied with the fact that I am not perfect enough for you. If I become just like her will that make you come to me? I wish I could take any pain that you go through and put it on me; you can blame me for anything that goes wrong. I wish…I could go around and truly be happy for once in my life. Just the thought of you and me, together, can get me through a day…but what happens when that isn’t enough? Am I not worth caring for? Or loving? Is it that my many flaws make people run? If I died tomorrow, at least I could die happy knowing that I had loved. I wish it that I didn’t have to…be like me…I, forever, will be damned to a life of watching life and the people that live it...

I had fallen in love with something untouchable, incomprehensible, and most importantly something that didn’t belong to me. Everyday I grew jealous of them- hoping I could just die, but I thought ‘Would that even make a difference’. My heart grew colder with each passing thought…of the blood I sought to see. What once was a smile was replaced with a scowl. I want to go back to a day where everything seemed to be alright-where everything wasn’t so black and white. Why do these recurring thoughts of her death keep repeating in my mind? Why is it that every time you are around I feel as if I turn to stone and wish I weren’t there-wishing I was anywhere but in front of you? Why is it when I see you and her together I feel as if my heart is ripping-the pain almost unbearable? Why do I have to be the one to hold back the tears with every passing thought of you? You keep breaking me without the slightest intention of doing so. I can’t blame you for it was a fault on my own. If I shut everyone’s ears, would you listen to me then? What would it take for you to look at me with those same eyes? My love is buried underneath the smiles of the rest of the world. ‘Do you even know my name?’ I ask myself. You aren’t even listening; even if I died you would not know-even in the next life, you will live not even knowing me. Can’t come close, can’t touch, you’re the one I can’t hold. I’m going to go meet you tonight in my dreams again. Why can’t you see me, if I erased the world would you see me then? Even if I can’t have you, even if it is only in my mind, even if I can’t touch you, even if it is a meaningless dream, even if I can’t talk to you, even if I have to hide and watch from far away, you won’t know, but I’ll love you…even if you don’t know who I am…I have fallen in a helpless love and I can’t get myself out…